


The Real Thing

by mirandalee



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Flashback, M/M, Mention of sex, Previous Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:43:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirandalee/pseuds/mirandalee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic focuses on the subtext of Season 2 Episode 1, when Josh goes to visit Sam at Gage Whitney. It then flashes back to Josh and Sam's relationship before the campaign. Mention of sex, but nothing explicit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Real Thing

**Author's Note:**

> None of the characters are mine, nor is the dialogue that occurs while Josh is visiting Sam at Gage Whitney (that is from Season 2 Episode 1). All of that belongs to the owners/creators of The West Wing.

“Sam. There’s a guy waiting in your office who said he’s a friend of yours.”   
Sam was dreading having to return to the meeting he had just managed to escape, so he perked up at Gloria’s statement.  
“What’s his name?”  
“Josh Lyman?”  
Sam stopped in his tracks, unable to control a grin taking over his face. He can feel his mood instantly lift just at the mention of that name.  
“Seriously?”  
“Yeah.”  
Sam took off to his office, thrilled to see his friend again after so long of being apart. How long had it been since they had seen each other? Three years? Four, five? He had lost track. Sure, they talk on the phone, but it’s not the same as seeing Josh – seeing his face, his eyes, his smile…  
“Hey!” Sam exclaimed as he finally reached his office. Josh turned around and grinned at the sight of him.   
“How you doing?” Josh greeted him as they embraced.  
“Hey, you look fit.” Sam noticed, looking Josh up and down.  
“You made partner?” Josh inquired.  
“Next month. Listen, I’m hungry. You want to go grab a hot dog or something?” Sam tried to change the subject. Yeah, making partner, especially at his age was impressive, but for some reason Sam couldn’t bear to mix Josh in with his work life. His work life was dull and dreary, while Josh…  
Josh was the sun.  
“It’s 9:30 in the morning.” Josh pointed out.  
“Yeah, they’ll be fresh. Come on.”  
His meeting forgotten, Sam led Josh outside and they walked down a couple of blocks to find a hot dog vender. Sam was grateful to be away from his meeting and outside in the fresh air, but more than anything he was grateful to be there and walking with Josh. Josh. Joshua Lyman. This man who he was once inseparable from, who was once his…well, his best friend. It felt good to be next to him again – it felt right. His scent hadn’t changed, and Sam tried to breath it in discreetly as they ordered their food from the hot dog vender man. They chatted a bit about how their days were going, and what Josh was doing there.  
“Yeah,” Josh said, “I was going to call before I came here, but then the strangest thing happened.”  
Sam threw away his hot dog wrapper and tried to pull himself out of his daydreams and focus on what Josh was saying. “What?”  
“I forgot the name of your firm.”  
Sam stared at him, thrilled to have the opportunity to give Josh a hard time, but tried to keep a straight face. “Gage Whitney.”  
“Yeah.”  
“You couldn’t remember Gage Whitney.”  
“I know.”  
Sam rubbed it in a bit. “Second biggest firm in New York?”  
“I know.”  
“Did the Shearson deal.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Bought Transom.”  
“I really do know Gage Whitney. I’m saying, I’m just, um, I’m um, having a brain problem.” Josh stuttered. Sam could see that he clearly had other things on his mind. Sam didn’t blame him – he could barely even focus on their current conversation.  
He realized that he really couldn’t be gone from work very long, and was sure that Josh had other things to attend to as well, so he decided to cut to the chase. “What are you doing in town?”  
“I’m on my way to Nashua” Josh answered.  
“What’s in Nashua?” Sam asked, confused. Josh worked for Senator Hoynes now, and he couldn’t think of any campaign related reason for Josh to be going to Nashua.  
“Ah, a waste of time.”   
Huh. So it doesn’t have to do with the campaign… Why would he be going all the way to Nashua?  
“Listen. You know why I’m here.” Josh said, eyeing his friend.  
Sam couldn’t decide if he was happy or disappointed, but he could certainly guess why Josh had bothered to make this stop. “You want me to quit my job and come work for Hoynes?” Josh had propositioned him about this several times before, via phone and e-mail.  
“He’s gonna win, Sam.” Josh said, trying to prove to Sam that it would be worth his while.  
“So what do you need me for?” Sam inquired, a small part of him hoping that Josh would give an answer that wasn’t political.  
“A better campaign. Come do some speech writing.” Josh held, trying to win over his best friend.  
Sam let out a breath. He had been foolish to hope for a different answer. Although, even if he had gotten it, he wasn’t sure what he would have done with it. After all--“Lisa and I are getting married in September.” Sam blurted out. He said it both as a way of informing Josh and reminding himself.  
The look on Josh’s face killed him. Sam could tell he was trying to cover, but Sam knew him better than that. One look in his eyes showed a mix of emotions; disappointment…anger…possibly regret? Or maybe Sam just wished he saw that.  
“Ah...” Josh responded, pulling Sam out of interpreting his face.  
“Yeah.” Sam forced a grin on his face. He should look happy. After all, he was talking about his future marriage to the love of his life…wasn’t he?  
But no amount of grinning could cover up the awkward tension that had been left between the two of them.  
“Okay. Listen, I should do, I got to go. I should let you—“ Josh tried to make excuses to leave – to run as far away as possible from situation.   
All Sam wanted to do was grab his arm – embrace his friend – his former lover – the man who probably was and still is the love of his life. But Sam knew that if he did – if he touched Josh right now while he was feeling like this – he would come undone. He would fall apart, and he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t bear to, because Josh wouldn’t fall with him. Josh would always and forever push his feelings into that small stone room in his heart, just like he did years ago – the last time Sam had seen Josh. Josh would always prioritize his career over love. It was a skill of his. Or was it a flaw? Sam wasn’t really sure. Either way, it left Sam alone.   
So, instead of grabbing Josh and holding on, he let him go. “I got to get back to this thing.” He said, referring to his long forgotten meeting.  
“It’s good seeing you.” Josh said.  
Sam refrained from letting out a lovelorn sigh. “It’s good seeing you.” Well that was a lie – it actually hurt like hell right now. “I miss you.” That part, at least, was true. It would always be true.  
They started to walk away. Sam didn’t know how much longer he could stand to be around Josh without either breaking down in tears or grabbing his face and kissing him.  
“Hey, congratulations on that partnership.” Josh called back.  
Sam turned back towards him. “Josh… Hoynes. He’s not the real thing, is he?” Sam questioned. He knew Josh better than anyone in the world, and he could tell that Josh wasn’t really invested in this candidate. Hoynes was good, but he wasn’t the one – he wasn’t the real thing.   
“See, that-the thing you gotta know about Hoynes is—“ Josh stumbled, trying to explain.  
Sam stopped him. “It’s okay.” He said. He saved his friend from trying to explain because he already knew. He recognized the look in Josh’s eyes when he talked about Hoynes. It was the same look Sam got in his eyes when he talked about Lisa. It’s the look someone gets when they want so badly for the person they have chosen to be the real thing, but they know they either missed the real thing a while ago, or they have given up on ever finding it. So they spend all their time trying to convince others that they are “the one” or “the real thing”, hoping that along the way, they will convince themselves.  
“I-I’m saying—“ Josh continued trying to convince Sam.  
Sam stopped him again. “Josh.” Sam sighed. “What are you doing?  
Josh paused and looked at his best friend. “I don’t know.” He replied honestly. “What are you doing?”  
“Protecting oil companies from litigation.” Josh nodded, and even as Sam said it, it felt wrong. This wasn’t what Sam had wanted to do. Sam wanted to help people more than anything else, but this…God, what was he doing? “They’re our client. They don’t lose legal protection because they make a lot of money.”  
“I can’t believe no one ever wrote a folk song about that.”  
Sam grinned. He missed those quick remarks…  
Josh looked at Sam seriously. “If I see the real thing in Nashua, should I tell you about it?”  
Sam knew his response already. He wanted the real thing just as badly as Josh. Right now he was stuck in a life of mediocrity, both personally and professionally, and he was beyond ready to get out of it. “You won’t have to.”  
“Why?”  
“You’ve got a pretty bad poker face.” As much as Josh tried to hide his emotions, Sam could always read him like a book – even if it was just for a split second before Josh put his professional mask back up. But something like this, Sam knew, Josh wouldn’t be trying to hide it. He would be shouting it from the rooftops to anyone who would listen.  
Sam was familiar with that feeling. It’s exactly how he would feel if Josh changed his mind about the two of them.  
Sam couldn’t bear to watch Josh walk away, so he turned and walked back towards his office. As he did, he thought back and remembered the last time he had seen Josh.

They were lying in bed, just as they had done many times before, but Sam could tell that something was different this time. Josh had called him in the middle of the night and asked if they could talk, but when he arrived at Josh’s place, they did anything but. Josh had grabbed him fiercely and covered Sam’s lips with his own. Sam knew he should have stopped him and asked why he really asked him over, but he had a feeling that he knew why Josh needed to talk, so he let things progress – trying to put off that inevitable moment.   
Sam hated this sneaking around, but with how quickly gossip traveled in Washington, he knew it was the only way. The way Josh was kissing him this time however only worked to confirm Sam’s earlier suspicions – he was kissing Sam desperately, hurriedly, as though they didn’t have much time. Sam knew that this would be the last time they snuck around – the last time they kissed – the last time they made love.  
Josh was wrapped around Sam, facing Sam’s back. “Sam…” he said, barely a whisper, but Sam still heard him as though he were shouting – he knew what was coming.  
“Don’t… Josh, please.” Sam pleaded, knowing it wouldn’t do anything.  
“Sam…I’m sorry. I wish things were different!” Josh said, holding him tighter, burying his face in Sam’s shoulder. “I wish society were different… I wish people didn’t give a fuck about who we loved… I wish it didn’t jeopardize my job – my career… I wish I didn’t care about it. But this is the situation we’re stuck with – this is the society we have to live in. And I’m sorry Sam, but—“  
“I know. You can’t risk it. So you’re giving up on me. On us.” Sam said, choking back tears.  
“I’m so sorry Sam. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I could manage this, but…I got offered a new job. Chief of Staff.”  
“For Brennan? You got the job?” Sam asked. He had known Josh was being considered for CoS, but he didn’t know he had officially been chosen.  
Of course he had. This is Josh.  
“Yeah, I got it. And it’s going to mean a lot more people are going to know who I am – they’re going to look for ways to hurt me – to hurt the congressman. Sam—“  
“I know. I get it. It’s—“ he took a shaky breath, “It’s fine, Josh. But I think I should go.” Sam sat up and quickly found his clothing.  
“Sam…” Josh said, reaching out to grab his arm.  
Sam looked up into Josh’s eyes one last time. It hurt like hell, and he knew if he stayed one more second he would break down. And that wasn’t how Sam wanted Josh to remember him. So he took a steadying breath instead. “Goodbye Josh. I know you’re going to do amazing things.” And with that he left. He didn’t look back to Josh, sitting on the bed alone. He walked out the door.   
As he walked back to his apartment, he knew that he couldn’t stay in Washington. This town was too small – there was no way he could avoid running into Josh, and he knew that it would be too painful seeing him.  
Maybe it’s time to leave Washington. He had recently gotten a call from an old friend from Duke asking if he would join him at his law firm in New York. He had told him he was building his career in Washington, but…maybe it was time to take him up on that.  
He would miss Josh – more than anything in the world – but he would recover. Sam shook his head, disappointed in himself. He should have known better – he should never have gotten involved with Josh. Sam had known there was no other way this could have ended. After all, Sam had always known that Josh was the Sun. And you can’t get to close to the Sun without getting burned.


End file.
